


Sickness Hides in Plain Sight

by M (antemortems)



Category: Total Drama (Cartoon)
Genre: Bulimia, Eating Disorders, M/M, Mental Health Issues, because same, do u ever just, project all of ur problems onto ur fav cartoon characters, tagged as ship but could be platonic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 20:19:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17946440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antemortems/pseuds/M
Summary: Noah likes Cody and Cody learns to like Noah. Cody has some problems with eating and Noah finds out. Noah is supportive.





	1. Ending Before it Began

**Author's Note:**

> Yes! Hello! This is a big ol mental illness projection fic! Brought to you by your local bulimic! 
> 
> Despite how self-serving this is I hope you enjoy it anyway ;/ it's only my second real fic so be kind... have an open mind.

Noah had disliked the island as soon as he stepped foot on it. Although as he got to know how the show ran, the feeling of annoyance towards the island and it's inhabitants devolved into a feeling of despise. His considerations over whether the money was worth the lousy experience became more frequent.

As for the inhabitants, Noah considered most of them insufferable. The most tolerable of them, he found to be Cody. The 'ladies man' character he played was less than desirable, but Noah saw that the kid was relatively intelligent under the facade.

Appearance wise, Cody was - objectively - no one special. But something about him stood out to Noah. He was no stranger to his own sexuality, more specifically _homo_ sexuality, and could recognize that something in the scrawny boy magnetized him.

So Noah found himself spending many minutes simply looking at Cody. Overtime he became extremely accustomed to the boy's appearance, every detail seemingly sketched into the front of his mind.

One thing he noticed was just how skinny Cody was.

Not saying he wasn't rather skinny himself. Noah had always been slightly underweight. Eating was nothing special to him, except as an extra yet necessary chore for everyday life. Combined with a high metabolism, it was difficult for him to put on much weight.

Cody though, he was next level skinny. During a challenge the boy bent down, and Noah silently jolted over how visible his ribs were through his shirt. It had stood out to Noah, but not enough to be a point of concern. None of the other campers ever brought it up so he assumed it didn't raise any flags for them either.

As for the other campers, they didn't draw him in at all. Often he found himself being driven away from them in disgust, disinterest, or some combination of the two.

Noah noticed their unspoken alliances and/or relationships fairly quickly. He saw who tolerated who. He knew what certain people wanted other certain people eliminated. Cody seemed to be at a neutral ground with the campers. Noah found that somehow relieving. No danger in losing him. He cringed internally at his own emotions.

A smaller thing he caught onto was that Cody and Owen actually conversed extremely well. Their conversations were passionate and, upon listening in, often had a basis in food. Noah found it amusing that a kid as scrawny as Cody talked about snack food with the same enthusiasm as a behemoth like Owen.

Noah had wanted to have more time with Cody. Before he knew it, he was eliminated and sent off the island to where he would reside for the rest of the season. Playa de Losers.


	2. That's Rough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's mainly for building up Cody's world :P
> 
> Edit: added a bit to the end to make the transition to Chapter 3 easier!

Cody knew his relationship with food was nothing short of unhealthy.

Growing up his father had bested him at everything. He was never allowed to be better. One thing his dad always complained about though, is how out of shape he had gotten since his college football days. So Cody took that chance.

He began counting calories, signed up for a gym membership, and went from there.

Going from skinny fat, to lean, and eventually to where he was now. Boney. He didn't know how it got to the point it did, but he couldn't stop it. His fear of losing the one thing he's better at consumed him.

But his dangerously low weight was so difficult to maintain. Eventually he could no longer ignore the constant hunger.

He remembers the first day he binged. He had woke up nauseated. After forcing himself through his morning exercise, he made himself a 'meal' of various fruits. Cantaloupe, strawberries, honeydew. Safe and sweet. To his despair his meal didn't end at that. He went back for more fruit, then picked at various leftovers before it quickly devolved into him eating any food he could grab.

The amount that was usually "enough" for him, just wasn't anymore. He ate more than he had in months on that day.

It wasn't before long that he would begin making himself vomit after these episodes. One moment of desperation formed the cruel cycle he found himself stuck in for the present time. Eat, vomit, rinse and repeat.

It was easier to hide on the island. Everyone hated Chef's food so to refuse it wasn't so suspicious. The feasting challenge towards the beginning of the show was unavoidable, but considering the money, and how little Cody had been eating by that time, he put his comfort aside to participate.

The problems didn't come until he was eliminated. Things were different at Playa de Losers. People weren't as focused on winning challenges, so skipping meals was more noticeable. Cody got around this by bringing food up to his room and trashing it.

Company-wise, he found himself spending most of his time with Noah. He hadn't particularly liked the sarcastic teen upon their first meeting at the island, but he learned there was more to Noah than snarky remarks.

They actually had quite a bit in common. Similar interests in games and academics. Cody found he could drop the 'cool guy' routine around Noah, and even Noah was noticeably less snappy around him.

It took him as a surprise, how comfortable they were with each other. Cody, short on friends otherwise, accepted the comfort.

Noah, on the other hand, was unsettled by how vulnerable he allowed himself to be around Cody. His sarcastic, dismissive personality had been built to protect him, and the fact that he let his guard down for _Cody_... it disturbed him.

The first few days after he had noticed their growing friendship, he tried to distance himself from Cody. Yet despite his best efforts, he always found himself right next to the kid.

Noah brushed it off as every camper in Playa de Losers being insufferable, with Cody only being the least so.

As much as he tried to convince himself of this, he knew it wasn't true. Cody was genuinely good company. As much as he hated to admit it, they had a lot in common.

So after many attempts to give Cody the cold shoulder, he accepted their new friendship. If it got him through the rest of the season, he could tolerate having someone to talk to.

Noah quickly learned that Cody loved being involved in all the small events the eliminated campers at the Playa put together. Noah found himself being pulled to every activity they had to offer. Although he expressed his discomfort everytime, he had to admit he enjoyed the time he spent with Cody. He found himself actually looking forward to the events, although he never dared to show it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter's are so short btw! I'll try to make some longer


	3. Can't Beat Biology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The campers at Playa de Losers decide to have an on deck barbecue because camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's me hello I finally decided to finish chapter 3 :))) can you tell that I am very unmotivated in everything I do haha it's the depression. Also I tried so fucking hard not to be too descriptive about certain aspects because I don't want no fucking feeders beating their meat to this. That's nasty shit.

It was getting to be evening one day and Noah was already thinking about the next planned event. In lieu of the campfires all the campers have come to ~~love~~  hate, they put together a camp style barbecue on deck.  
  
Noah was surprised at the food based theme. With all the different personalities, and therefore different tastes, it was extremely difficult to plan a meal event everyone would enjoy. Every attempt at one was usually scrapped for something more 'universal'.  
  
Regardless, he was looking forward to another event with Cody. Especially since the teen had all but disappeared all day, leaving Noah mildly concerned. Cody always made it a point to help out in some way with the preparation, even if it was more annoying than helpful.  
  
Noah made a mental note to ask Cody about it, and made his was to where the barbecue was taking place.  
  
He found Cody sitting towards the outer edge of the deck. He noticed a faint look of discomfort in the teens face.  
  
"What's going on?," Noah asked as he reached his friend.  
  
Cody startled a bit, lost in his thoughts.  
  
"Oh! Uhh... Geoff is barbecuing the food right now, Trent's lighting up the firepit, and the rest of us are kinda just roaming," Noah looked around the deck as Cody detailed the current state of the event. The campers that had nothing to do were altogether for the most part, recalling details of their experience at Camp Wawanakwa.  
  
Noah turned back to Cody, "why aren't you with the others?"  
  
"Barbecues just aren't my thing," Cody looked over to the campers making s'mores near the now lit fire, "And I'd rather forget Camp Wawanakwa."  
  
"I think everyone here would want to forget," Noah rolled his eyes then gave Cody a small smile, "But it's kinda nice having people to complain about it with."  
  
Noah held his hand out to Cody, "Let's go sit with the others."  
  
Cody hesitated, eyes darting from Noah's hand to the campers, then back again. He grabbed Noah's hand then the two walked over to the fire.  
  
The two sat down, and Noah quickly integrated into the conversation. Cody couldn't focus on what anyone was saying, having an internal battle with himself. He had been dreading the barbecue all day. It put the current state of his self inflicted starvation in jeopardy. He had put so much work in restricting how he used to do, just to have a night dedicated to tempting his bulimic demon.  
  
Unfortunately for him, all his attempts at mentally shaming himself for even _thinking_ about eating were nowhere near as strong as his biological desire to keep himself fed.  
  
It wasn't long before Cody began grabbing as many s'mores as he could while still appearing to be eating "normally". He started picking at individual ingredients; he took handfuls of marshmallows, then many sheets of graham crackers, many squares of chocolate, and eventually the barbecue.  
  
Noah attempted to include him in the conversation at times, but it was met by halfhearted replies. All of Cody's focus was on the food that surrounded them, although Noah didn't know this. He assumed it was just a bad day for Cody, so he didn't push his friend anymore afterwards.  
  
The whole thing happened in a span of maybe an hour, but to Cody it felt like minutes; and once he snapped out of his hunger fueled trance, the anxiety set in.

He couldn't believe he let himself be such a pig. He almost wished his stomach would tear because in that moment he did not want to live. Cody knew what he had to do next and he hated it. He couldn't let himself gain weight.  
  
Cody looked around at everybody enjoying themselves. A deep seated sadness set into his chest. That could be him. A life with no constant anxiety about calories. Being able to enjoy a s'mores or two, a hotdog without feeling suicidal.

Cody pushed the thought to the side to focus on what he needed to do. He looked at Noah, who was talking amongst the other campers, reacting very passionately to something Izzy had said. Cody gave Noah a sad smile that he wouldn't see. Despite everything, he was glad Noah was enjoying himself.

Cody looked around once more, and when he was sure no one was paying any attention to him, he slipped away.

**Author's Note:**

> That's the end of chapter one! Oh god it's so much shorter than I thought it would be I'm sorry jdjsjs 
> 
> I have no idea how many chapters this is gonna have but I've almost written three so far so let's see how that goesss. It's actually my first "multi chapter" fic (if you could even call these blurbs a chapter), and my second fic altogether :p


End file.
